BDSM & You – How To Spice Up Your Between-The-Sheet Activities

Vanilla is a delicious flavour all on its own, but if you’re feeling adventurous, incorporating BDSM into your sex life is a surefire way to turn up the va-va-voom factor! If you and your partner/s are total BDSM beginners or you somehow missed the Fifty Shades of Grey craze, you may be asking yourself the million-dollar question: what is BDSM?

BDSM’s meaning covers a wide variety of sexual practices from 3 major categories: Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. It generally centres around a consensual power exchange within a sexually intimate context, such as roleplaying or letting your lover tie you up and ravish you however they like. There’s something alluring about relinquishing control and placing your trust in a partner while you’re in a vulnerable position, and plenty of Aussies agree! Some of the top Australian BDSM fetishes include being submissive to a woman (known in BDSM as a Dominatrix), erotic asphyxiation (choking or being choked), and wax play (dripping melted candle wax onto yourself or a partner). The acronym is a catch-all term for a lot of different concepts, so even if you’re not sure what form of BDSM is right for you right now, you’re bound to find something that tickles your fancy! Who knows, it might even be being bound or being tickled…

What is BDSM good for?

Confused about why BDSM is so popular? While some consider BDSM’s sexual/relationship dynamics as taboo or extreme, society is beginning to adopt a more positive attitude about BDSM, gearing towards understanding and acceptance. Research even suggests that BDSM might benefit relationships and overall health by improving couples’ communication skills, deepening their trust in each other, and providing a safe outlet for exploring hidden desires together.

How to get started: beginners’ BDSM

BDSM means something different in every relationship and for every person, and it’s essential for all parties involved to take responsibility and practise SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) or RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) to ensure everybody is enjoying themselves. This is an important consideration for all players, whether they’re erotic experts or BDSM beginners – sex is supposed to be fun after all! It’s best to start any sex-ploration journey with a solid foundation of safety, trust, and comfort, so have an honest, open conversation with your partner/s about expectations, limits, and desires.

Establish safe words or some other signal you both understand to mean ‘stop’. It’s best if your word or phrase is something unique so there’s no chance of it coming up accidentally, but if you prefer to keep things simple, the classic traffic light system of ‘red’, ‘yellow’, and ‘green’ is among the most popular safe words people use during BDSM sex.

Your signal doesn’t necessarily have to be a verbal one either – it can be hard to get a word out if you’re gagged, for example, so having some non-verbal actions prepared is a good idea. You might tap the other person’s body or ring a bell if you’re tied up with limited movement. You never know how spicy your scenes might get, especially if you’ve revealed some extra-creative fantasies! And speaking of creativity...

The Best Accessories & Toys for BDSM Beginners

A good BDSM scene is always about the people first, not necessarily the tools involved, but a shiny new toy or two can certainly help to make it more exciting! We know it can be daunting to walk into an adult shop’s BDSM section for the first time and see a wall of hardcore instruments, so don’t be afraid to ask knowledgeable consultants like the Sexyland Fun Specialists for help.

• Beginners’ BDSM Toys for Bondage/Discipline

In this category, you’ll find everything you need for impact play and restraint play, including BDSM staples like collar/leash sets, silky Shibari rope, and spanking implements like riding crops and paddles. More experienced players may also enjoy experimenting with BDSM toys that deliver a more intense experience, such as lockable restraints and heavier floggers or whips.
For beginners, BDSM sets are a great choice as they come with several elements that you can use on their own or together, depending on your comfort level. Our customers are loving the Ouch! - Introductory Bondage Kits, which come with a variety of toys to tease and please you, no matter your experience level!

• Beginners’ BDSM Toys for Dominance/Submission

Different couples express their power dynamics differently, so as long as you’ve got the right attitude, it’s possible for you to use any toy in Dom/sub play. One of our favourite ideas is to tease your lover in public with something vibrating downstairs and watch them squirm as they try not to give the game away! Sexyland has a huge range of panty vibrators for the ladies to enjoy, and don’t worry, fellas, you can join in the fun too with these Remote Control Boxer Briefs…

• Beginners’ BDSM Toys for Sadism/Masochism

In her hit 2011 song S&M, Rihanna declared that chains and whips excite her – and she’s not alone. As many as 62% of Aussies are into BDSM and there’s some surprising psychology behind it. It doesn’t always have to be about physical pain either, as humiliation can be all that’s needed to put a sub in their place or to make a Dom feel more powerful. Toys like gags are an easy way to take away some of a sub or slave’s agency, making it impossible for them to speak. Depending on the size and type of gag, the wearer might not be able to control their saliva flow, forcing them to show their appreciation of their Master with a truly mouth-watering display!

If you’re ready to take a walk on the wild side, come and shop Sexyland’s BDSM Toys & Fetish collections online or in-store! Until then, we’ll let Riri play us out…