Bondage Fetish Toys: Enhancing Trust, Pleasure & Power Dynamics

Hey y’all, it’s Nora Jo again, and this month, I’m here to dish all the dirty deets on being a freak in the sheets and how BDSM dynamics and fetish sex toys give me personal fulfilment that goes beyond just sheet-clenchingly pleasurable sex!

Trust & Communication: The Foundation of Bondage Sex Toys

A question I get asked a lot when I tell my friends or partners that I like using BDSM and bondage gear like ropes, cuffs, and so on is ‘are bondage restraints safe to use?’, and the answer to that is yes, if you know what you’re doing and you go into the scene with the right frame of mind. Honestly, that’s true of pretty much all kink practices — even the most extreme fetish toys are safe if you research how to use them properly and ensure all parties involved are making an informed decision when they decide to consensually engage with a scene involving that BDSM and bondage gear.

And it’s that very consent factor that I find is often overlooked by folks who aren’t into BDSM. Even though BDSM is becoming more mainstream these days, there are still plenty of people out there who think it’s just letting someone take out their frustrations on you, wielding all kinds of nasty implements from riding crops to degrading names, and they can’t wrap their heads around why someone would possibly want that for themselves.

But the beauty of BDSM is that everybody consents, and also that before consent is given, everybody clearly communicates their limits, safewords, and what they would like to achieve from the scene. This emotional prep work is incredibly worthwhile, because once everything’s in place, the people involved can feel safe to surrender to their desires, knowing that they can trust the others around them not to judge them and not to hurt them (or at least, not hurt them any more than they’ve explicitly asked for) while they’re being open and vulnerable. For many kink enthusiasts (myself included), this can be an extremely liberating experience that deepens the intimacy between partners, and that is a big part of what makes BDSM so fulfilling.

From Ropes to Restraints: Choosing the Right Bondage Gear

If you’re considering getting started with BDSM gear, it’s normal to experience any and all emotions ranging from excitement to feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. When I was a BDSM beginner, I spent several years researching all the fetish sex toys I thought I wanted (and quite a few things I was pretty sure I didn’t want but was curious about) and wishing I already had them without actually having to buy them. Not that I could buy them anyway; I was a strapped-for-cash uni student, my favourite local adult store at the time had moved to a faraway suburb, and I have never been the type of person to shop online for things I need to see, feel, and sometimes smell in person. Once I started working at Sexyland though, the comfortable distance from which I had been longing for these things evaporated because it was all right there, downstairs from my office, and I spent the next 4 years plunging myself into BDSM gear galore.

So, how did I choose the right bondage restraints as a beginner?

Step 1.
I asked myself what I really wanted from a bondage scene in terms of how I wanted to feel. The general vibe I landed on was ‘helplessly trapped but make it sexy’, something that would invite a Dominant partner to affectionately ravish me and make us both think we were the luckiest people in the world for having each other in that situation.

Step 2.
Next was thinking about what possible positions I could be put in that would make me feel that way. For me, there were quite a few positions that ticked the helpless-but-sexy box: spread-eagle on a bed, arms or wrists restrained behind my back while on my knees, wrists tied together above my head while either lying down, standing, or suspended from the ceiling…you get the idea.

Step 3.
Now that I had my desired positions in mind, I thought about what equipment would be necessary to pull off said positions efficiently, comfortably, within my budget, and within reason regarding the space I was in.

For example, positions that only require tying limbs together and no other equipment are easy enough because all you need is cuffs, bondage ropes, or even just a durable scarf if you’re in a pickle and need to channel your inner MacGyver; I often used silky business ties in the days before I owned my beloved petite silicone cuffs.

However, a position involving both wrists and ankles being spread and tied down to a bed is a little more complicated and would either require:

• 4 individual sets of cuffs (one for each limb) and a bed frame with posts that the other cuff could attach to (or other similarly sturdy hardware —
• An adjustable under-bed restraint system that fit under the mattress and simultaneously anchored all 4 limbs with attached cuffs
  OR
• A separate, dedicated piece of sex furniture like a restraint table, sex bench/chair, or bondage board

Sadly, I don’t have the freedom to drill things into my ceiling as I’m currently renting, so there won’t be any aerial sex swings or bondage suspension rigs permanently installed at Casa Nora any time soon. However, it is possible to replicate some of the more adventurous bondage positions I’ve seen and liked the look of over the years with an over-the-door sex swing (I personally own the matching black and gold Special Edition of the Sportsheets Door Jam Sex Sling). In addition to being quite cost-effective, an over-the-door sex swing has the extra benefit of being easy to install and disassemble in case you need to hide your swing from houseguests — ain’t no hiding something permanently installed in the ceiling unless you install it in a separate dungeon or play area that you can reliably cordon off I’m afraid.

Step 4.
Once you’ve figured out what equipment is needed, apply any extra considerations you might have and filter out results that won’t work for you, such as only opting for non-leather options if you or your playmate/s are vegan. If you like the look of leather, there’s plenty of faux leather BDSM gear out there, and you can even get the smell of it too with a specialty product like this Leather-Scented Spanking Cream from Tantus'® Apothecary range!

Feeling inspired? Check out Sexyland's collection of bondage restraints at your nearest Sexyland adult store, or shop Sexyland online and get all your kinky goodies delivered in 2 hours or less with our lightning-fast 2-hour delivery service!

Now go forth and get down with your freaky, fine selves. 

NJ xx