Learn the Ropes Before You Use Them! Beginners Will LOVE These BDSM Toys

The weather’s heating up and so is the bedroom! With spring around the corner, it’s out with the old and in with the new ways to play, so this week, Sexyland is discussing our favourite BDSM toys and how to use them, even if you’re totally new to the scene.

What types of BDSM sex toys are there?

Just like there are many different facets of BDSM, there are kinky toys to match, whether you’re looking to explore restraint play and bondage, humiliation, impact play, and so on. Here’s a basic breakdown of the most common types of BDSM sex toys, as well as how to use them:

Restraint play sex toys & bondage items

Like the idea of being tied up in bed? This is the category for you. Rope, cuffs, and bondage stuff are fabulous ways to relinquish control to or take over a partner and place your trust in each other to deepen your bond. As always, have a safeword ready to go if one or both of you are approaching your limits.

How to use bondage rope & tape

For beginners who aren’t ready to learn knots, bondage tape is an easy way to enjoy restraint play without fear of not being able to untangle the captive, and it sticks to itself instead of your skin for painless bondage fun! Simply wrap it around the body parts you want to bind and keep a pair of bondage safety scissors around to quickly cut a too-tight wrap or knot.

Speaking of knots, if you’re keen to get into tying and even shibari, rope is more versatile, and can be attached to furniture as well for fun in more positions. There’s a plethora of online tutorials on how to tie safe knots, rope bondage sex positions, and rope body harnesses to explore! Sexyland recommends picking a BDSM rope with a thick diameter that won’t dig into the skin, as well as feeling the material in person before you buy it so you can be sure you like the texture. This silky BDSM rope from Scandal® has great reviews and has capped ends to prevent fraying so you can enjoy your rope for ages to come!

How to use cuffs & restraints

Cuffs go on the wrists or ankles and can be connected to each other or separately connected to other bondage equipment and furniture. Cuffs designed for wrists are smaller than those designed for ankles, though you can wear them however best fits you. If you’re feeling extra-frisky, you can even get a hog-tie connector to leave the wearer in a truly helpless position…

For more versatile play, restraints can be used on other parts of the body to bind more than just the wrists and ankles, such as frog-tie restraints that cuff the wrists to the thighs. This category also includes things like spreader bars, under-the-bed systems, chair ties, and door restraints so you can get even more creative and turn your bedroom into a bondage playground!

Degradation & humiliation sex toys

Some people may want to take things further than letting a playmate take control and find pleasure in letting their partner degrade them, talk down to them, and put them in their place by making them feel powerless or humiliated. The extent to which people are comfortable with this varies from person to person, so it's important to discuss your boundaries and what you actually want from the experience before you get started.

How to use gags

Gags are great for people who enjoy the power exchange involved when one partner consensually gives up their ability to verbally communicate. Of course, preparing non-verbal safeword beforehand is a must, so be sure to have established hand movements, blinking patterns, or even a set of keys to jingle in your hand before you get started.

Gags usually fasten behind the head and can be styled with a ball, a bar, or even as a set of spreader clamps that allow for oral penetration. The part that gags you goes behind the teeth and can come in varying sizes for a more intense gagging sensation, or even eliciting more saliva for a truly mouth-watering experience!

For BDSM beginners, Sexyland recommends gags made from easy-to-clean materials that won’t break your teeth, like this Roomfun Silicone Gag With Tray! The tray is perfect for the Dominant to put their drink or a snack bowl on, and the tongue depressor offers extra leverage for the items while taking away the wearer’s ability to speak. 

How to use collars and leashes

Collars are a sign of submission and ownership, and for some kinky folks, it can also be a sign of willing slavery or dehumanisation to ‘pet’ status. With the addition of a leash, the Dominant can control where the submissive gets to go and make it immediately obvious who the sub belongs to. Some collars are even lockable so only the Master/Mistress can remove it if you’re after a more intense sense of control...

Collars can be worn exclusively in the bedroom, at fetish events, or even in public if you’re feeling particularly bold! For a more subtle approach, you can try using a choker-style necklace instead for an edgy everyday look.

Impact play implements

This category includes BDSM floggers, paddles, and riding crops for spanking and striking the submissive. They can deliver light, teasing taps that bring the blood to the surface of the skin to make the area more sensitive overall, or harsher sensations that really sting or thud deeply for that cathartic pain element lots of kinksters are looking for.

Before you get started, remember to put safety first — generally speaking, the parts of the body that can safely take the hardest floggings or spankings are the ones that have thick muscles to provide some padding, such as the buttocks and the upper part of the back below the shoulders. If you’re careful and use a gentler hand, you can also strike more sensitive areas such as the breasts, legs, and genitals (though you should take special care not to directly strike testicles). Stay away from the face, neck, centre spine, joints, and any areas where the organs aren’t protected by bones, like the stomach and kidneys. You should also avoid letting flogger tails wrap around your partner’s body as this can be quite painful and can cause injury, so increase your skill by practising swinging the flogger in vertical circles with your wrist on a pillow first.

How to use BDSM floggers

If you’re a beginner, a lightweight flogger with shorter tails is the best place to start as these are easier to control than heavier ones with longer falls. Even once you’ve built your confidence and technique to advance to the bigger BDSM floggers, you can always keep your small ones to warm up the recipient before getting into the heavier play! They’re also great to trail sensually over the skin, especially if your flogger is made of something soft like faux leather or velvety suede.

Flogging is all about smooth, rolling wrist action, so while your first instinct might be to grab the end of the handle, it’s actually better to position your hand closer to the ‘knot’, where the tails and the handle meet. There are several ways you can use a flogger depending on the sensation you want to create, though some techniques require more skill than others. If you’re a visual learner, there are lots of BDSM flogging tutorials on the internet that have been created by enthusiastic individuals from the kink community!

Hot tip: check out the flogging tutorials in your browser’s private or incognito mode if you don’t want that sort of thing popping up in your everyday feed.

How to use BDSM paddles & crops

These spankers are designed to deliver maximum stinging impact when you plant the whole face against the recipient’s body, and if you really want to make the pain last, keep the spanker still once it makes contact with the skin. You can also stroke the tool over the skin in circles, keeping your sub on their toes and awaiting the next strike with bated breath…

Riding crops tend to have longer handles than paddles but also have smaller faces so the impact is distributed over a smaller area, concentrating the sensation into a ‘sting’. Paddles have larger impact areas to combine the stinging sensation with a deeper ‘thud’ so masochistic players can get the best of both worlds!